Finding Lucy.

When Lucy told me he lost his job… I was happy. I was happy to have Lucy home with me. In my head, I imagined that it meant I could have Lucy all to me, without a care for what Lucy wants, if that’s what Lucy needs, in my head, in my pathetic head, I started to dream Lucy while Lucy was there in front of me sipping heat and sweat. Even dust, but in my head, in my pathetic head, dust and Lucy were exclusive.

Lucy told me he was ambitious, if it were so it was my grievous fault to love him like that. And yet in my head, in my pathetic head…

Who are we? Can we stop?

When Lucy drinks nowadays, he drinks a lot. I stock my fridge with everything Lucy doesn't need, in the hope that it would make Lucy need me. But Lucy and I are exclusive. Yet, in my… well, you know!

Lucy doesn’t know how I even live. I clean the kitchen whenever Lucy wants to comes over. All that remains, grease and egg, of the steak I tried to make three nights before, Lucy has never seen. Lucy has no idea, that I am Lucy in my very own way. That, in my head, in my pathetic head, I am Lucy or worse…

Is it because I am Lucy, or it is for Lucy isn't with me. Because if Lucy was… with me, like Lucy is in my pathetic head… we wouldn't be Lucy.

…