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Saturday, January 31, 2009

(Will only make sense if you have read my story in the post below which he hopes you do)


The unseen diaries made visible! (Will only make sense if you have read my story in the post below which he hopes you do)

Look, I am no sage no scholar... just a wandering gay man! That’s why I thought it would be inappropriate for me to tell you’ll what I have inferred from my story... however, since I have not been able to convey what I have been entrusted to, because you were unable to see what, I believe, I did, and I wanted you to... I now have to share with you my gift in words otherwise it makes it unworthy for you to know all that I have told you. (4 long pages- really appreciated!)
For which I will have to go back to what happened in the lift, after it shut the life out of me. The idea is that I didn’t just imagine what I saw. I can say that because, and you have to agree with me, that sometimes... you know when the surreal is real. And I know what it was! It’s not every day that a blind atheist sees a presence so powering that makes him go down on his knees... that his lost senses awaken.
I knew that very then I wasn’t going to die, I swear I did. And I know everything about that moment and everything else from then on. How?- is what I am meant to let you know.
This was after I touched HIM for the first time. When I let his tear into me... it rinsed the grime in me. I was a free man, and I could reach every part of me because of that. Here lied the key!
He had blessed me. And he told me his purpose. I don’t write accounts of my life on daily basis otherwise. He had chosen me to tell you his story.
(How depressing though that he believed it would take a blind man to see him and recognise! He didn’t even care about the fact that I never believed in him, that I was gay like mother says. How helpless could he have been?)
Anyways where were we... yes he had blessed me, and in return he had asked me to test his blessing, which I did as I passed it on to the guy with small hands and a big gun... that is what i did... I blessed every part of his body as I touched him. As I did that, I saw a man emerge from behind a dark silhouette. He was human. Didn’t he act like one? And now you know why?
THAT was the lesson... his purpose that I was chosen to disperse. That, ‘We humans are born with tremendous power. Power to share his blessing of humanity! Too bad we don’t realize, but here lies to answer for all plague. It lies within us. Discover that and you can discover all the good in the world. Cure the mightiest diseases- even that of hostility! All you have got to do is unearth, from within and together, that might... All we have got to do is stop unseeing his Light.’
It’s that simple. And that my friend is how I look at it. That is how I feel... not generous towards sin and those who fall prey to it, but empowered enough to beat it out even from the places where there is no hope!
Wish this makes it a little more worthwhile for you to know what you do. ALL THE BEST... he says!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

This one is very special!




Unseen diaries- 26-11-2008

‘Last Christmas I gave you my heart... this year...’
The white buds in my ear, Mrs. Adeline walked me to my room. Which room? It is very important that I mention. I was staying at the Trident Hotel, Marine drive, 9th Floor 786 to be precise. I don’t like being so precise otherwise!
Mrs. Adeline said she would collect me in half an hour. Rizal was supposed to come at 10:15, we were going out for dinner, and pretty sure Adeline gave me 15 buffers... it must be 9:30 then. I tell you, I had never been happier. Never so much. Ever! For tonight, I Rahall Chopra was about to propose to the love of the second part of my life! My second marriage proposal! (Now who is the man, bitch)
And I made sure everything was perfect (Courtesy Adeline). On the bed was my brand new Armani suit, underwear on the top so I can find it easily (I had never liked the thought of Adeline choosing my inners... and now... not for long!), she would help me with the bow and in my shirt properly, Rizal’s Versace, our favourite brand, was gift wrapped on the side table... And there I was standing near the door... admiring the game of destiny.
I snapped myself out of it, found the bathroom door in the dark room and washed my face. ‘Rizal had never said no for anything!’ I splashed and splashed repeating this and ...then I did something I had not done for a long time. I stood in front of the bathroom mirror ‘naked’ running my hand over my entire body. I did that for some time. Then quickly put on my clothes to avoid embarrassing myself if Mrs. Adeline walked in (She had only seen me naked... never like this!) Then I sat on the bed, Rizal’s gift in my hand, smiling at wait.
The room was silent, like an empty theatre. I could hear the clock ticking. Or wait... was it my heart! I combed my hair again, which were harder than usual, and wiped my shoes with the bed sheet. I did a quick recheck of all the things I needed: The Tux- check: Credit cards-check: Car keys... where the duck were the car keys... oh with Mrs. Adeline- check. Done!
But where hell was Mrs. Adeline? The bitch was going to get some serious firing from me for this. (I wouldn’t do that for this was the lady... who had done everything for me, in the second part of my life) Still, she couldn’t be late now. Not tonight.
Wait a minute...What if this was another of mother’s schemes it struck me... I swear I wouldn’t take it this time. I almost dialled Mr. Enron’s number to book my tickets back, but then decided that I should not let anything bother me... at least for now.
But if Mum thought this would stop me from seeing Rizal, I was so going to prove her wrong. So I put my glasses on and walked outside the door. I knew the lift was to the left. There was a flower pot beside it, I remembered. I danced as I walked, to beats of my heart, which hummed its tune in a continuous din overpowering all other thoughts in my mind. Otherwise the hallway was very quiet. So much so that I could hear the sounds from the other rooms
My neighbour, a pretty French model, had her friends over who were singing an abusive song together ‘bhang... sutta’. Rizal once sang this song to me, I remembered. How sober the song sounded in his brit accent. Almost like a classic! And when I told him what it meant, how he had laughed, his hiccupping laughter! And then we had spent the entire evening on the promenade humming all such ridiculous songs, some I taught him, some abusive rap he sang. Ah...
I passed many such rooms. Sounds of television, arguments, love-making, guitars, and people, greeted me as I walked, like they were wishing me luck. I said my thank you‘s to them as I walked. And 23 steps later, my hand brushed against the plastic leaves of the flowerpot. The magic door had come that would take me to my beloved. I called for the chariot.
‘9th FLOOR’... Finally!
As I stepped in, a foul stench chocked my nose. I almost hit the corner in an effort to get out but the door shut. You can always count on electronics to make life miserable. They never helped me! It was a fart. Train... and lifts, two places where Indians can’t resist farting. Yuck, I spat.
Helpless, I found the ground level button, bottommost left. And I began to descend, trying to picture Rizal to divert my mind. I couldn’t.
I cursed the Adeline bitch. Where was she but?
I slid down. The stench persisted and I looked up at the damned exhaust and cursed again.
‘3rd FLOOR’
As soon as the lift opened, I fell outside sucking for air, holy air! Al Gore’s voice said to me ‘How long will you sustain’ and I immediately knew I had to stop using my Benz all the time and switch to a small car. I could buy one of those green cars. Rizal loves them.
Maybe I should take the stairs I thought. Oh! What the hell, I could be a philanthropist later. Right now what was important was that I was going to propose Rizal and I had to get to him as quickly as possible. Also I couldn’t take the smell anymore. What if it stuck to my clothes!
So I took out the mouth freshener from my pocket (Courtesy Adeline again!) and sprayed it in the lift. ‘That would do’ I smiled and I entered the lift again. It did do! Yes... ‘Screw you farter.’ I found the button again and the door shut.
I don’t know if it was the smell again or what, but I felt my heart sink as the lift began its second last descend. The last time I experienced similar unease was when Deepti took Sameer and Sareen away. ‘God protect Rizal’ ‘God protect Rizal’... Please...
Floors passed and the lift jerked once again, skid... and then stopped.
‘Ground Floor’
The sound of the door opening brought along other sounds. Sounds from the movies. ‘How long will you sustain’ Al looked down through the exhaust. I hung there... still.
And then the door shut. The rest of my body froze, except my hands which scrambled up some buttons and my coffin began to rise.
Was I dead?
But how could death be so painless and numb, I wondered almost ready to rejoice. And then Rizal appeared beside me. And everything came back to life again... came back to pain.
In his hand was a ring. My ring! I felt my pockets. The box had been there since morning. He was wearing his gift too! While the packet lay in the floor. We rose higher and higher. His face looked just as I imagined. High cheek bones, the pouted lips, his feminine brows... brit eyes dripping sweet water. I kissed his eyes, letting the water into my mouth; it seeped down cleansing my insides. I melted down on his feet.
I lay there relishing his taste, going through each moment that I had spent with him. The first flight, the promenade, the first hug, the stare, the first love, and the time he stood for me against the goons at Colaba, how he had cleant my wound... ‘Bhohenchoudh sottha... sottha nah milha...’
And the lift came to a halt. Was the journey over?
The door opened. I shield my eyes expecting bright light like I had seen years back in a movie... but it was dark up there too. I had to wait for my turn maybe, I thought.
And then... the door shut again.
The lift rook its last fall. Why would god send me down again? Had I been so bad that he didn’t even want to see me once? Or show up, at the least, blinded? My mother’s words stung my ears. Is it really a sin I asked Rizal. He looked calmly...
I fell further down. And then... the car that hit me 5 years back, hit me again. I was tossed on the floor. ‘It’s just the lift. You are not dead yet, but yes... falling towards it’
It was too late by the time I realized. ‘FIRST FLOOR’
And no sooner did the door open; I felt hot steel on my chest. I fell back again drilling myself to the back of the lift.
Then He pulled me out. The man with small hands and a big gun... and threw me on the floor. I felt Him pointing the gun at the lift and I cried ‘Not him... please. Kill ME. Kill ME.’
I clung to His feet not daring to look at the lift, dreading what I might see. And then He shot... a small round of bullets. The sound of steel against steel hit my ears and I put my head on His feet. My gaze fixed at the Otis board on the lift. He was gone.
Then I looked up... and through the darkness of my eyes, I saw a darker silhouette. He stood towering above me, confused about what He had just done. I knew Him. I had seen Him before. He was... He was... and I got up frisking Him from the bottom, for a sign, trying to see.
Then I felt His gun. It looked unfamiliar. And touched His neck, yes... the neck... and then the face...square... the high cheek bones, his parted lips, round... the scent of his perfume... I knew who He was.
But before I could see anymore, He held me in his arms, with a familiar force, tight yet comforting.
Then carried me, and then as if in sacrifice, he flung me into the cold air of the night. I flew.
Another brief moment of death, and then I crashed onto the bonnet of a car. The thud caused the windshield to shatter and shreds of glass flew everywhere. Penetrating once again, but this time without causing any harm, into my eyes, scratching the skin of my ribs, and hands, and feet... Leaving only His picture behind. Without his gun! Forever.
People closed in on me.
And then he came running to me from the crowd and held me in his arms... I could hear him shouting for help. His thick brit voice, I could distinguish in a million shouts...
Meanwhile, the gun shots continued.
...........................................................................................................................................................
30-11-2008
Rizal reads to me from the papers what happened after that. How they were all killed. He even asked a clay artist to emboss Kasabh’s , the most famous terrorist of them all’s, photo so I can feel him. It’s not him.
People call them terrorists and curse them. I say, He, who killed people, caused pain is, but, HE, who flung me is not. He is terrorised himself, I saw in His eyes. Rizal disagrees and gets damn mad at me for thinking so. He goes for all the prayer marches, takes me along. I pray for them all. Because no matter what people say... only I know ... for I have heard about one, felt... seen the other. They are two different people. He is human, his other is not!

The eyes that can see the most are the eys that cannot see!

Blogging is going through a slack allover... or is it just me!


Oh! I am tired of crying over things that i have lost. And now another! Well I am talking about blogging... its not like it used to be anymore. Where have those days of 20-30 comments gone! Are people too busy... or you guys bored of my writing, let me know yaar atleast? so I stop making this effort... thinking all the time about things you'll might like and stuff.
What is it? And I dont think its just me actually because I read other blogs too and the activity has gone down everywhere. Cant let this happen... I wont!
And you guys, especially the blogging community, have to help me rescue this great gift google has given us... remember the times... all those discussions! share of knowledge! fun! CONNECTION!
Remember all that we have given ourselves, all that we have lent to each other through this network... oh! Atleast for the sake of all the laughs(or horrors) my pictures have given you'll... PLEASE. let this not go down! (I promise more skin if you'll are with me in this!!!)
And If there is anything you feel is lacking, from my side also, which it has been because of a lot of stuff, let me know? And I promise in the name of the bloggods, it shall be done! All that you demand.
But dont leave me guys, and each other, for there is a lot to be shared yet... lot to be told! We are just entering the most exciting part of our lives... and lets stick together like we have until now.
Wont you?

SO... Long live Bloggerworld!
What say???

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Thats the first sabji I ever made.... yummy methi... all by myself!!!



Rehab- By Rihanna and JT...

When we first met, I never felt something so strong
You were like my brother and my best friend
All wrapped into one with a ribbon on it

And all of a sudden you went and left
I didn't know how to follow
It's like a shock that spun me around
And now my heart's dead
I feel so empty and hollow

And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to ya (to ya)
Don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do ya (do ya)?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you are the one to blame
And now I feel like - ooh!

You're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more
I guess that's what i get for wishful thinking
Should've never let you enter my door
Next time you wanna go on and leave
You should just go on and do it
'Cause its amusin' like I believe

It's like I checked in to rehab
And baby, you're my disease
It's like I checked in to rehab
And baby, you're my disease
I've gotta check in to rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease
I've gotta check in to rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease

Damn, ain't it crazy when you're loveswept
You'd do anything for the one you love
Cause anytime that you needed me, I'd be there
Its like you were my favorite drug
The only problem was that you was using me
In a different way than I was using you
But now that I know that it's not meant to be
You gotta go, I gotta wean myself off of you

And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to ya (to ya)
Don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do ya?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you are the one to blame
Cause now I feel like - ooh!

You're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more
I guess that's what i get for wishful thinking
Should've never let you enter my door
Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
'Cause its not amusin' like I believe

It's like I checked in to rehab
And baby, you're my disease
It's like I checked in to rehab
And baby, you're my disease
I've gotta check in to rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease
I've gotta check in to rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease

PS: Rihanna n JT wrote this song on my request! I am not kiddin'... I was too tired to write one myself and i HAD to so...

Monday, January 26, 2009

And thats what you mean to me...


You’re the question for all my answers
The reason I have them all...
For you I am who am I?
My mystery only you can solve
So lend me some of your love
For its you who makes me real
And that’s what you mean to me!


I know I have not been at best
And I know how you feel
But I promise it’s no disinterest
It’s my fate I can’t reveal
So I’m writing you this song
Saying you’re my destiny
And that’s what you mean to me!


For now I am asking for yours
It’s my heal, and not retreat
And that’s what you mean to me!

I am letting this song tell you!!
The answer I know you need
That you mean so much... to me


(I may not have the proofs as of now
I may not say it loud
But I know I have it in
Give it some time to sort out
I promise it will be worth it
Your wait and mine!
I promise it’s perfect
To last for all our lives...
All I need is your love
To nurture mine
To support me in my many battles
I have to fight.
For they are all for you
All ...that is mine
Like I said you are the reason
For me and my device
For us and our premise
All the magic that’s alive
For the love on which I thrive
For my promise
For my strive...
I dedicate to you this rhyme
Hoping this makes you realize
That you will mean the world to me
When the time is right!!!)

I promise I will tell you
Just how you want to hear!
What you mean to me...

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Locked in Locks...

My first movie ever...
Yepeee....
Guys please let me know how you'll like it!
Shot on 3rd and 4th of January 2009.